LIFE as I want it to be

I'm not Sad

2005-01-16T14:31:00.000+08:00

Do i seem sad these days? Someone told me that someone told her that I do... haha...labo Well...I guess i haven't been updating my blog din naman kasi so concerned friends...i'm really not Oo let's say may times na mukha ako sad or naiinis about something... Pero wala lang naman yun eh. It passes...bilis nga eh paminsan..hehe Siguro may big change lang this sem kaya ganon...siyempre may iba nang

I'd rather

2004-12-24T23:19:00.000+08:00

I thought sometime alonewas what we really needed you said this time would hurt more than it helps but I couldn't see thatI thought it was the endof a beautiful story and so I left the one I loved at home to be alone (alone) and I tried to find out if this one thing is true that I'm nothing without you I know better now and I've had a change of heart I'd rather have bad times with you, than good

updates

2004-12-24T22:50:00.000+08:00

Its been awhile since i last blogged, huh? well...important stuff...GAP2 went well...everyone said it was great...I really hope it was. I mean for me siyempre feel ko maraming room for improvements pero okay pa rin sobra yung feeling that we were able to pull it off. That night...I found something...let's just put it this way. 208-0 inexplain naman niya eh...pero still it hurt. I tried to be

when you fall...its not always painful

2004-12-10T17:57:00.000+08:00

I'm happy right now. Although madalas pa rin kami magkatampuhan (actually mostly my side nanggagaling) And minsan may misunderstanding... at least we talk about it agad. Minsan he gets asar...minsan i get asar...but we don't let the day end without resolving it. Which is good... =D great actually! Then when we're together...it's always fun...kulitan...kwento kwento...basta I feel like a kid when

when you don't have the strength to say so

2004-12-05T10:56:00.000+08:00

i don't know what to do na... last night i wanted it to be over and done with if he hasn't made a decision yet...we talked and he said he just wanted to make sure that he had no feelings or whatsoever left for the other person before he totally commits... ewan ko ba kung ako naman si gaga na sige...fine...ok na lahat just cause he said he loves me. What is wrong with me...have i fallen in too

surprise surprise!

2004-12-04T11:19:00.000+08:00

"someone calls me from downstairs. I just woke up and still feeling a little sleepy. Anyway...I scamper to the bathroom to fix myself up a little and to tie my hair...then go down, still in my sleepwear. I ask the people in a masungit tone what is up and why they had to wake me up...then sina vangie would usher me to the den. To my surprise...he's there, with flowers and hot chocolate. I give him

2004-11-29T19:14:00.000+08:00

I'm happy.

Someday it will come

2004-11-25T19:05:00.000+08:00

If you knew me from my high school days...and maybe from last year...you would really wonder what is up with me these days I am actually waiting for someone...waiting for him to confirm whether he really wants me back... waiting for a decision that I am more certain that would not be in my favor... waiting for love to come back... how melodramatic...but somewhat true... So why am I doing this?

the sadness that envelopes my days

2004-11-23T21:29:00.000+08:00

naks! what a dramatic title...i don't even know if its fitting. sabi lang kasi ni romel that i seem to be sad...as in really sad in my blogs lately. I'm fine...ako pa. I always bounce back naman di ba? hehe... I guess right now...I'm just sad coz I don't know what's gonna happen between me and you-know-who. I'm sad because I have changed but just a little too late for it... I'm sad because deep

When Tables have turned

2004-11-18T06:14:00.000+08:00

I did go back on my words in my last two blogs... We fixed it and it was going well for two weeks...at least i thought it was... Its ok....I'm ok....just a little sad... we'll work it out naman eh...sana... what am i talking about?? if you knew our past...as in what happened before...you'll know what happened or what's the current situation when i say "The Tables Have Turned" Its not over yet...

i hate you

2004-11-08T21:40:00.000+08:00

i hate you all over again...weird maybe coz i hate the situation...i hate it basta leche ka ginugulo mo isip ko! (yikes! imagine me actually saying this...scary...haven't been this scary for quite some time now) pero honestly its soooo weird... first we're awkward to each other then we're ok then when we think everything's settled...its not pa pala i mean...heck...why expect any form of text

going my way

2004-11-07T01:10:00.000+08:00

i guess its about time. we held on too long but now its time to move on. the past would always be there to look back to yet the future is never certain though this would always be my stronghold there are times one just has to let go. look forward, chin up and...be strong I am not mad at him...nor am I certain of what i know. I may be wrong in what i am thinking..but somehow i know that i am

down time

2004-10-11T18:10:00.000+08:00

weird...i don't know if its partly coz of my tummy prob na kagabi ko pa naeexperience...but i'm just not my happy-happy self today. siyempre sa ym its so easy to pretend that i am...but...i'm just not. Siguro nga, i'm more affected by the situation than i initially thought. Ewan...ang labo ko talagang tao...I swear. I'd rather not feel this way coz I love being able to talk to someone and discuss

faulty wiring

2004-10-09T18:00:00.000+08:00

hmmm...today was not a very good day...but it wasn't a very bad day either. Had fun in accountin...had fun in intramuros...although the car refused to start at first. however...its another night without a gimmick...home-alone pa at that...well kinda by choice naman eh so its all good. what made it a bad day...faulty wiring...hehe...weird reason naman Kanina Romel and I were chatting during

the suitable blogskin

2004-09-25T21:42:00.000+08:00

finally...some changes in my blog.... i guess this sort of suits me or how i am these days... sometimes i feel like i need someone to depend on..then again...i re-examine myself then i feel i don't need anyone.. but who am i kidding right... oh well... right now...i have like a MILLION crushes! hahah...di naman siguro a million...but quite a few... i guess its my way of dealing with some of the

yet to be titled

2004-08-12T23:11:00.000+08:00

is there such a thing as forgetting how to feel? forgetting what its like to be affectionate and to feel affection.... forgetting how it is to be in love....

the hard thing about crushes....

2004-06-28T17:06:00.000+08:00

haay... i fall for people to easily...most of my friends know that about me by now. Ewan ko ba...when would I finally settle down talaga. PEro crushes lang naman eh di ba...nothing serious... Hirap nga eh pag may crush ka tas you ended caring for that person na more than a crush na talaga... ewan...I don't love him...that's for sure... But I really like him...as in really... We're friends nga eh

why is it so...?

2004-05-20T19:47:00.000+08:00

why is it that when you celebrate you're birthday you're not really the one celebrating... Its my birthday on saturday and I already made out my guest list and invited all of them. Once my parents got home...biglaan na lang..."did you invite si ganito...did you invite si ganyan...nakalimutan mo noh?? ako na ang nagsabi" Hindi naman sa ayaw ko sa mga taong gusto nila iinvite...pero I

Its sad when you're away from home...

2004-04-23T23:18:00.000+08:00

For some really weird reason...I left a huge part of me in Surigao. I miss the place....I miss the people...I miss my special place... Whenever I'm there...I become the person that I want to be...carefree...secure..stable... Its like there's a different me...and yet its still me. I want to go back there... Weird and sad to say...I want to go and live there some day. Help the people out...be

Long Time No Blog

2004-04-15T08:03:00.000+08:00

It's been a looong while. So far...I had a great summer. Super great na I really want to go back after summer classes end. Kaya lang May 27 pa finals ng ITM...sana earlier para makapunta ako ulit sa Siargao. I want to surf, play beach volleyball, surf, kayak, surf, hangout with my friends there, surf....surf...surf... And siguro I have some other reasons why I want to go back. Weird ko nga eh...

2004-03-20T00:15:00.000+08:00

I'm not stalking him. I just like seeing him around. Eventhough he doesn't really mind my existence. He's cute. That's all I can say. I should be satisfied with the Hi and Hellos every now and then. This is one of the advantages of being single...Its so fun just not taking things as seriously. But also...can't deny it. sometimes i miss having someone there for me. Atleast I can still face

He Sees Nothing

2004-03-20T00:08:00.000+08:00

He sits in a wooden chair Carefully looking left and right He sees nothing He brings out a book And places it on the table His hand lightly feels the cover Then gently lifts the flap He scans the pages And finally stops at one He looks up once more His eyes meet mine He sees nothing He bows down his head And begins to read Eyes flicking from left to right Eyebrows furrowed Lips pursed tight He

everything i want to be

2004-03-13T01:23:00.000+08:00

for one night...for this one night.... i'll share some of my insecurities.... then I'll probably delete this blog the next time I go online... before every MWF math class...I see the girl who I want to be like. She exudes the confidence that I can only dream of. She's not white, she's not mestiza. She has morena skin and chinky eyes. She's so slim that she can wear the ugliest clothes and still

the last blog

2004-03-07T20:53:00.000+08:00

I was thinking about this blog kanina pa I made a condition for myself that if and when I find a person to make kwento with... to confide in... to talk to often... I would stop blogging Not that I tell everything here sa blog.... but I would want to be able to make kwento and get a feedback I would like to get advice and words of wisdom from a person that I can concretely feel weird ba? for now

GAP 3 - Amidst the Stars

2004-03-07T20:28:00.000+08:00

the whole week was tiring...from studying math to running around from what meeting to another, to doing a small storybook, to preparing clothes for a "fashion show" and to dealing with different "models"...super surprised that I'm still standing after all that. pero everything was worth it I guess...hehe I know the GAP wasn't really a big WOW but it turned out okay and I got a lot of praises, "

get a life

2004-02-28T22:53:00.000+08:00

eversince i downloaded hangaroo...there isn't a single time that I didn't play that stupid game whenever I opened the computer. I finished it twice na. funny naman kahit papano eh. ......... =| It's saturday night. My parents have a dinner thing going on downstairs. Ricky Reyes down the road is having a party which would probably last till the early morning. My sister is out with her boyfriend.

quote for the day

2004-02-28T12:50:00.000+08:00

Love is so short Forgetting is so long -Pablo Neruda

dream weddings

2004-02-27T22:16:00.000+08:00

Almost $4,000,000 Is that really how much dream weddings cost? Trista...the lucky bride who found her guy on a tv show. Watching the special coverage of their wedding on tv didn't really make me envious of what she had. I guess...that wasn't what I pictured for myself.. My wedding, in my mind, is still a little vague... I don't know what I want. i guess that's the real problem with me... I

wish list...

2004-02-25T19:02:00.000+08:00

I was in fully booked today and there were a lot of things that I really wanted to buy for myself. 1. The Last Time They Met - Anita Shreve 2. Things We Knew Were True - Nicci Gerrard 3. The Five People You Meet in Heaven - Mitch Albom 4. The Davinci Code 5. A cute journal/diary that eventually I would neglect 6. The complete set of

the kilig factor

2004-02-25T00:49:00.000+08:00

during physics, jill and I were chatting...as usual. cool siya sobra kausap plus ang dami naming common na crush as in ooh and ahh guys sa school. not really yung sobrang object of our desire...basta crush crush lang dahil we find them cute. Aliw nga eh... anyway...i was telling jill about ----. la lang...parang ewan. weird. actually telling her about it pero when I think about it weird eh. can't

LOVE stories......

2004-02-23T19:56:00.000+08:00

Just to get my mind of the serious stuff of college I read the series of love stories books i bought when I was in grade school (sige na nga...yung iba high school ko binili!) Most of them...actually all of them involve teens in high school na may crush sila tas basta magkakatuluyan din. anyway...it got me thinking about MY high school experience...dami ngang differences eh. What do I expect

Gym---Sleep

2004-02-21T19:27:00.000+08:00

I just realized that I am so weird for doing the things i did today I woke up before 8am just to spend an hour and a half in the gym. Its my attempt to get more fit and atleast a little toned...hehe i know i know...payat na nga ko as it is...pero ewan...payat na mataba. haha...=D My mom took one look at me this morning and told me that I was getting fat. That kinda says a lot. I guess coz I was

key to temporary happiness

2004-02-20T19:59:00.000+08:00

Closure is very important. Going through that breakup phase is very important. Keeping a friendship is very important. Knowing your limits is very important. Do dreams really mean anything?? Serious stuff... Weird stuff... college life is great especially when you have great people and good friends surrounding you. I love SOULS I love MEA I love T1 I love pisaykaberks <--haha! trying to be

it's been awhile

2004-02-14T19:11:00.000+08:00

it's been quite awhile since my last post....guess I was really busy with school dami kasing papers eh plus I had to plan anything para di magkagulo sked ko eh. weird...parang as I grow older parang lagi na akong sked ng sked ng mga events in my mind...like how and when I would start doing stuff...na to the point minsan nafrufrustrate ako if I don't get to start on time. BASTA! WEIRD! nagiging OC

2004-02-05T21:59:00.000+08:00

two midterms. one basketball game. 2 more pages of essay writing. Its gonna be a loooong day. better start studying. don't know what to study. had a great day. I love school.

Demons....

2004-02-03T18:47:00.000+08:00

Last week, Vlad told us to write down 50 of our demons...Most of what I wrote were stuff, things, and people that got me in a "grr.." mode or made me cry atleast once in my life. I didn't take that writing excercise THAT seriously though. I never saw myself as a writer kasi eh...now lang naman ako nagsusulat sulat after that creativity workshop I went to. Now I see what that Jay guy was talking

Completion Speech for Something Not yet Started

2004-02-02T09:29:00.000+08:00

Today we're going to distribute the applix forms for SOULS. Fun fun fun! Super excited na ako na I thought of a speech na (kahit palpak ako sa public speaking) if ever tapos na yung SOULS as in yung party na ng last night. hehe...I was saying something like: "Souls was just a dream...now it has come true thanks to all of you. But Souls is just a workshop...a 5-day seminar teaching us about OD,

The Vision of a Family

2004-02-01T23:27:00.000+08:00

I can't sleep... I haven't been sleeping well recently... Heto nanaman... Oh well...I won't talk about na whatever frustrations I have about someone. Just some regular thoughts for now I guess I was looking out my window this afternoon and I saw a family hanging out, playing soccer and letting their dogs loose dun sa isang open field sa greenmeadows (for those who don't know, the wall of our

Inevitable Loss

2004-01-31T23:11:00.000+08:00

Turn your back... Do not look into the eyes that burn Those that can look into your soul it takes away your hope Stay away... pay no attention to the warmth that melts that which comforts the pain it takes away your strength Look out... Beware of the fall that breaks One that gives life to the unliving It takes away everything Hope... Strength.. You... Step forward... Take a leap into the

2004-01-30T23:35:00.000+08:00

I came to school early today...as in 830 I was there na tas 930 pa class ko. I thought of texting him to see if I could hang out there pero naisip ko...wag na lang. he didn't text me kasi for the past two nights...weird nga eh. parang biglang nagstop pagtext niya. naisip ko busy lang naman siya and tired. he's an ateneo slave daw eh! haha...pero kung let's say hanggang next week wala pa rin... I

2004-01-29T22:32:00.000+08:00

I am so happy.... I was so happy.... happiness hidden in one's sorrow for the longing for the water that does not flow the wisdom that does not touch the heart that does not feel the sorrow hidden behind the mask of laughter for the person that cannot be reached the one that does not see does not hear speaks about the unknown He will find out He will see He will hear The forbidden bounty that

2004-01-29T21:37:00.000+08:00

"For you are being you and I can't stand being me" the one line that really hit me during the creativity workshop actually the whole poem kinda hit me but this was the one that kinda stung... it was true... truth hurts... hehe... conference muna ako with my block i'll see if i can blog later i love my block

2004-01-27T20:59:00.000+08:00

Dumarami ba namamatay o tumatanda lang tayo?? i suddenly find myself surrounded by the death of people i have some sort of connection to... "sort" ---> one was the dad of my old classmate and the other was just a former schoolmate There are people near me whom death are closing up on.... two of my tita's have cancer....one was diagnosed with cancer that takes only 6 months, the other has a