I'm not Sad

Do i seem sad these days?
Someone told me that someone told her that I do... haha...labo
Well...I guess i haven't been updating my blog din naman kasi so concerned friends...i'm really not
Oo let's say may times na mukha ako sad or naiinis about something...
Pero wala lang naman yun eh. It passes...bilis nga eh paminsan..hehe
Siguro may big change lang this sem kaya ganon...siyempre may iba nang inaaalala at inaasikaso.

On people asking me kung kami na...
hindi kami....
Follow up question: E di ano kayo?
ewan ko...that's the truth.
we both don't know yet.
I guess right now...we're trying to work things out and see if everything would be ok na. I mean...yeah...di mo naman masisigurado everything eh...but atleast...we're trying to lessen the possibility. Pareho naman kami ayaw masaktan eh..but still you never know right.

Right now...I'm happy naman. Nothing's easy naman di ba. Managing school, MEA, friends, family and bom isn't that easy din...minsan super draining. Pero ayos lang...lahat yun worth it. and they all make me happy. (Except ACCOUNTING!!!)

anyway...this is my farewell to my blog. no time na rin kasi to keep up. Siguro someday ulit...pero now...good bye na. Atleast man lang na-address ko yung mga questions na madalas tinatanong sa kin these days. (lalo na ni Jayne!! haha! :D)

i'm gonna miss blogging...
someday....

I'd rather

I thought sometime alonewas what we really needed
you said this time would hurt more than it helps
but I couldn't see thatI thought it was the endof a beautiful story
and so I left the one I loved at home to be alone (alone)
and I tried to find out if this one thing is true
that I'm nothing without you

I know better now
and I've had a change of heart
I'd rather have bad times with you, than good times with someone else
I'd rather be beside you in a storm, than safe and warm by myself
I'd rather have hard times together, than to have it easy apart
I'd rather have the one who holds my heart
whoo-oo-oo-oo yeah

And then I met someone
and thought she could replace you
we got a long just fine
we wasted time because she was not you
we had a lot of fun
though we knew we were faking
love was not impressed with our connection they were all lies, all lies
so I'm here cause I found this one thing is true
that I'm nothing without you

I know better now
and I've had a change of heart
I'd rather have bad times with you, than good times with someone else
I'd rather be beside you in a storm, than safe and warm by myself
I'd rather have hard times together, than to have it easy apart
I'd rather have the one who holds my heart
who holds my heart

I can't blame you if you turn away from me,
like I've done you, I can only prove the things I say with time,
please be mine,
I'd rather have bad times with (please be mine) you,
than good times with someone else (I know)
I'd rather be beside you in a storm (anytime),
than safe and warm by myself (so sure baby)
I'd rather have hard times to gether,
than to have it easy apart
I'd rather have the one who holds my heart (my heart)

I'd rather have bad times with you (surely),
than good times with someone else (surely)
I'd rather be beside you in a storm (oh yeah),
than safe and warm by myself (all by myself)
I'd rather have hard times together,
than to have it easy apart (you know it)
I'd rather have the one who holds my heart
I'd rather have the one who holds my heart
I'd rather have the one who holds my heart
whoooo.....who holds my heart

updates

Its been awhile since i last blogged, huh?
well...important stuff...GAP2 went well...everyone said it was great...I really hope it was. I mean for me siyempre feel ko maraming room for improvements pero okay pa rin sobra yung feeling that we were able to pull it off.
That night...I found something...let's just put it this way. 208-0
inexplain naman niya eh...pero still it hurt.
I tried to be unaffected but by the end of the night...when we were saying our good byes...I just wept...as in wept...but oh well...it still ended quite ok.
Sunday night, brice, mike and I went out. Had dinner with my clan then eastwood. Met up with double zero and brice's chick and teolo followed too. He brought me home,...we talked...had fun. Had a really nice conversation and we hugged for a long time on my porch and just chatting. It was a wonderful feeling...I swear. It was one of those moments wherein you wish it would go on and on and on...wish that you could just stop time.
The following day, we planned a barkada get together. But only 6 of us were present plus Migo (teolo's brother). In the morning nag-basketball sila. Borly came coz he was the one who brought sila teolo to the court since they saw each other at the auto shop. Heard them talking about the 208-0. Grabe it hurt...as in it hurt so bad and I felt as if all his friends had access to his phone and new about the whole deal and I had to go sneaking around just to know about stuff like that. I don't even know if he got rid of that na....somehow i feel that he didn't yet. that it's still there in his phone.
oh well...moving on... he knew that i heard it all. he talked to borly about it pa nga raw eh. Then he went up to me and told me that there was something but he'd be breaking a promise if he told me raw. of course i asked him talaga what it was. finally he said that he has decided and that it was me...just that he wasn't able to buy me flowers. that made me smile of course...it made my day.
later on i asked him when he decided. sabi niya the other day pa raw. i asked what borly said. borly just asked if he was sure na. sabi niya raw..."oo, ako na lang naman kulang eh. everything's there na." So after hearing that...I just smiled. but honestly...I didn't know what to make out of it. If it was something that I should be ecstatic about or is it something that I should worry about. Para bang you don't know kung he's just settling kasi sayang naman if he doesn't.
Malamang if he gets to read this he'll say that i'm coming up with my own conclusions nanaman...ewan ko if i am...i just feel that way.
anyway...left for bora tuesday. fun naman the whole time i was there although I missed him so much. We spoke a lot on the cell and through text messages and all in all...he somewhat made me feel that he really missed me. Pero ewan ko ba...minsan feel ko its an empty message. I don't know how to explain it...basta...it just feels empty.
Anyway...got back yesterday....labo nun...I don't want to go through the details.
Today...I just wish that I get to see him. Yun lang christmas wish ko. Pero feel ko di mangyayari. Impossible...I'm like the black dot sa family nila...the one you're stay away from. Fault ko naman yun eh...
Pero super talaga mabubuo christmas ko if kahit 5 mins lang he comes to see me. just once.
sa ngayon wala pa ngang text or tawag eh...although may konting misunderstanding or gulo kanina. pero malamang...congested naman kasi yung lines ngayon eh.
Pero i swear...dadamdamin ko yun kung ang matanggap ko from him yung mga tintext niya sa lahat...haha...
oh well...
ay may isa pa pala akong christmas wish...sana wala na yung isa completely sa picture...sana

dami kong wishful thinking...
dami kong gustong mangyari na di mangyayari...
isang malaking..."ASA KA PA!"

merry christmas rissa

when you fall...its not always painful

I'm happy right now.
Although madalas pa rin kami magkatampuhan (actually mostly my side nanggagaling)
And minsan may misunderstanding...
at least we talk about it agad.
Minsan he gets asar...minsan i get asar...but we don't let the day end without resolving it.
Which is good... =D
great actually!
Then when we're together...it's always fun...kulitan...kwento kwento...basta
I feel like a kid when we're together and we're in a world of our own.
haha...
but still...like before...my day really isn't complete if i don't see him...
minsan nga kulang yung time na i get to be with him...tas nasasad ako.
tas nasasad siya coz nasasad ako.
then now gumagawa siya paraan to see me.
minsan nga kunwari surprise...haha...funny.
so things now are better...
for how long...i don't know
Have I fallen for him all over again? take a good guess...

Although minsan siyempre...di pa rin nawawala yung pag-aalinlang ko...
the bad "what if"s.
But so far...with his actions...parang there's no reason to be scared or to be doubtful.
Ewan natin if there's still something for the other one... I really don't want to think about it.
Although I must admit...super tempted ako to snoop around his phone to find out...pero siyempre...no na lang. baka he might get mad pa. Trust him na lang talaga.
Atleast now...he thinks of me din...I mean mas nagcocompromise na to me...hindi na lang parati at his convenience or what he wants.
so happy happy talaga now. =D

Less crying and pain...haha
drama mo kasi eh!
don't you agree??

But seriously...
It might not always be like this...not always on cloud nine...
It might not always be easy....but falling for him all over again is the best thing that has happened since the start of college...
I guess I just had to realize that.

when you don't have the strength to say so

i don't know what to do na...
last night i wanted it to be over and done with if he hasn't made a decision yet...we talked and he said he just wanted to make sure that he had no feelings or whatsoever left for the other person before he totally commits...
ewan ko ba kung ako naman si gaga na sige...fine...ok na lahat just cause he said he loves me. What is wrong with me...have i fallen in too deep already?
I never thought...in my whole life...na magpapaganito ako...but i am letting it happen...I don't have the strength to end it....
I don't know if I would regret it someday na I kept on...I hope not...
right now...I don't know what I'd do without him...Although a friend told me he's not worth so much tears...He doesn't know much though...But what he said was really comforting.

Next...I ask him why he didn't text me the whole day...he started getting mad at me... telling me that the moment he wakes up he's busy na and all that. too busy to text me kasi di rin daw siya makakarep agad after the conversation has started. Na hindi naman daw niya papalampasin isang day na hindi niya ko natetext or whatsoever. He feels pressure na raw and nasasakal knowing that I'm expecting to hear from him agad...
I'm not naman expecting to have a conversation with him sa text so early in the morning...
I would just like to hear from him...mga good morning or that he misses me or whatever sweet things that he has to say atleast to assure me that he is thinking of me...
Is that too much to ask?
I mean i have so much at stake in this and is it too much to ask for a little sweetness?
a little thoughtfulness?

I guess I don't want to demand it...sama naman nun.
Naprepressure na nga yung tao eh.
I guess what I can do na lang is to adjust...compromise...
lessen the time and effort I spend on him i guess...para atleast no expectations na...or at least mapakonti yung expectations ko from him.
Problem with me is that I expect the same treatment from him eh...
We're not the same after all.
Adjust na lang...tama din naman siya eh. I put too much pressure on him na.

from the words of Joey Canto: "sad mo rissa"
(though he didn't mean it in reference to my current situation)